Marriage therapist Shamseddin Giwa has identified infidelity and the accompanying deception as the most damaging factors in failing Nigerian marriages. In an interview with Premium Times, Giwa explained that the pain of betrayal stems not just from the act itself, but from the deliberate intention and sequence of actions that precede it. He noted that while lies exacerbate the injury, the breach of loyalty is the core issue. The severity of the hurt depends on variables such as the duration of the affair and the identity of the third party. He emphasized that complexity in relationships does not justify a lack of decency, stating that "Complexity without wisdom and decency should not be enough reason for marriage."
Giwa attributes the instability of many unions to a clash between traditional expectations and modern socioeconomic realities. He observed that the historical model, where the husband provides financially and the wife manages the home, is increasingly untenable. With women pursuing careers and financial independence, the dynamic has shifted toward a team-oriented approach. However, Giwa pointed out a significant disconnect: many men expect financial support from their wives while remaining unwilling to contribute equally to domestic responsibilities. This imbalance, combined with a lack of emotional availability from husbands, creates a fertile ground for dissatisfaction and extramarital affairs.
The therapist also highlighted the role of social media in reshaping narratives around marriage. He argued that platforms do not create the underlying issues but serve as a convergence point that allows previously silenced grievances to be expressed. Giwa noted that many women in previous generations were conditioned to ignore their emotional needs in favor of focusing on children, a strategy that often led to long-term resentment. Today, women are more vocal about their unhappiness, which may create the perception of a collapse in traditional values when it is actually an evolution in communication and expectation.
Giwa further criticized the societal focus on physical attraction over character, noting that surface-level features often fail to sustain long-term partnerships. He warned that the obsession with social media visibility and wedding glamour distracts from the hard work required to maintain a successful union. He called for a shift in how society prepares young people for marriage, advocating for better upbringing of boys, mandatory premarital counseling, and a value system that prioritizes transparency and mutual growth over rigid traditional roles.